Better Sleep, Better Life, Better Planet.

Pandemics and protests, famine, drought, flooding and wildfires…. sometimes it can feel like we are being bombarded with bad news on a daily basis. With the world seemingly in a state of chaos and crisis it’s no surprise that many are becoming distressed. During this uncertain time of grief and change, many, to put it simply, just aren’t feeling great. While feelings of anxiety and concern are normal during a crisis, this stress can impact people in a variety of ways especially with our ability to sleep well. It is normal to feel stressed occasionally, but chronic feelings of stress or ongoing low-level stress can cause the nervous system to maintain a heightened state of arousal for extended periods. Being in this state can severely impact physical and mental health in the long term.

Sleep is central to every aspect of our well-being, our physical health, our mental health, our productivity and our decision-making. Our world is facing huge crises on multiple fronts, and we need all the resilience, wisdom and sound decision making we can muster. We can’t take care of our world if we don’t take care of ourselves and that begins with sleep.

A few ideas to help

• Switch off the TV at least an hour or more before bed, read, do something calming or listen to some relaxation and breathing recordings see https://www.maelotherapies.com/classes

• Keep all electronics, including tablets, computers and mobiles, out of the bedroom and limit the use of electronics before bedtime. I also advocate removing a Fitbit when going to bed.

• Reserve the bed for sleep and sex. Don’t use the bed as an office, workroom or recreation room. Ensure that your bedroom is comfortable, well ventilated with as little light and noise as possible.

• Exercise regularly, but not right before bed. Exercise doesn’t need to cost you a penny. Go for a brisk walk every day. If you are working do it during your lunch break. If you use the bus walk to the next bus stop along the road instead of the closest one to you. Do your best to get around 10 thousand steps in a day but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t. Tomorrow is another day and exercise should be enjoyable, not a chore.

• Following some lifestyle changes can also help such as adapting to a healthier diet, less alcohol and caffeine intake and seeking support from friends and family. If you have to have a daytime snooze try to limit this to 45 minutes. Try to set a time for bed and time for getting up and stick to it regardless of how much sleep you have had.

• I sometimes suggest to my clients that they leave a pen and paper next to the bed and if they wake in the middle of the night with their mind churning, write it down even if it is just random words, pictures or feelings. They can then come back to it when they get up in the morning.

• If you still cannot get a handle on the way stress is impacting your sleep, please see a professional for help. There are very effective ways of dealing with sleep problems without having to resort to medication however, it is always a good idea to seek the advice of your GP.

Quality sleep is crucial to ensure good health and quality of life. Extending our sleep period also improves our mental and body performances during the day and, last but not least, enhances our dreaming experience, as REM stages are mostly concentrated in the final portion of sleep, which is often curtailed by the urging rules of modern life. Please, don’t suffer in silence… you are doing more harm to your body by not getting the help that you need.

You are most welcome to contact me in this regard, let’s get your circadian rhythm back on track, Sound sleep is a vital, treasured function.

Body Image

The vast majority of us are never happy with what we have - my hair is too thin, too thick, too straight or too curly. My nose is too big, too small or too wide. My lips are too thin or too thick. My bum is too big or too small. I’m too fat, too thin, I don’t like my skin. The list is endless. And then when we hit midlife the whole game ups its ante as our bodies begin another transition and no longer do what they used to do or respond the way we are accustomed to.  Hormones change causing our bodies and emotions to change in so many unexpected ways it can be overwhelming. Body image can begin to negatively impact your everyday life.

There are several aspects related to body image:

• The way you see yourself. This is your perception of how you look, which can be real or imagined.

• The way you feel about the way you look. How your perception is impacting your emotions, how does it make you feel? For example if you had to stand naked or semi-naked in front of a full length mirror looking at your body, what emotions would you feel? Happy, unhappy, disgusted, depressed, guilt, shame?

• The thoughts and beliefs you feel about your body. In other words what you believe about your body. Perhaps you have a limiting belief such as ‘All the women/men in our family are big/thin, tall/short, so I may as well just accept it’. True, there may be genetics involved at some level however, your belief will limit you, stop you from addressing and changing the issue.

• The things you do in relation to the way you look. How often have you put on an outfit , looked in the mirror and thought ‘I cannot wear this it makes me look …’? Perhaps you choose to only wear a certain colour or style or take part in certain activities because your perception, your limiting belief about your body image is a negative one.

Personally I have run the gambit of all of the above. My personal journey with my own body image has been rocky at best however, I have reached a point where I now feel comfortable in this body. I have reached a point where I love my body. Do I ever still look at myself and think any of these four points? Hell yeah! And then the compassionate, true self holds up a mirror to those lies and limiting beliefs allowing the positive body image and self-love to flow unhindered.

If you have found yourself nodding inwardly to any of the issues raised here, I would be very happy to help you move forward to embrace a healthy positive body image. Just imagine how liberating that would feel.

Anxious about returning to work?

Returning to work is going to be a challenge for many as the COVID-19 lockdown finally begins to be lifted. A large number of us will be interacting with colleagues and the public for the first time in over eight weeks and this could easily cause feelings of anxiety. I have certainly had numerous calls from clients that are worried and anxious about returning to work. So how can we help reduce those feelings as we return to work?

Let me start by saying that being anxious about COVID-19 and how it might affect our return to work is a natural, human response to feeling unsafe or uncertain about what might (or might not) be. It is a myth that worrying helps us arrive at a better solution. It only makes us feel anxious and stressed – especially if the worrying becomes chronic. Just knowing this can help us take useful steps forward.

Employers across the country are striving to put in place adequate safety measures to protect both you and anyone that you come into contact with as a part of your work. Be more aware or conscious of those around you, not in a fearful way, simply aware of their needs as well as your own. Recognise that all possible safety measures are in place and that there is nothing more that you can reasonably do. Letting go of control is, paradoxically, a way of gaining it back. This can help us see things more clearly and with a calmer mindset. It also helps us make better decisions.  Sometimes, however, this is easier said than done. For many it is very difficult to stop worrying or feeling anxious. For others the end of lockdown may bring some reticence about re-entering a more hectic life.

How can you support yourself?

Breathing

Breath is a reliable bridge between the conscious mind and the subconscious. So, it makes sense to learn how to manipulate it to your advantage. Changing your breathing also releases oxytocin and dopamine, calming the adrenaline and cortisol caused by the stress response. Police officers, military personnel and athletes use their breath to relax, focus and win in stressful situations. Whether it is facing gunfire or standing at the start line of a big race, breathing calms the body and focuses the mind.

If you train yourself in rhythmic breathing in stressful situations, you will perform better.

You can find some free breathing techniques I have made available HERE

Being more mindful

Try and be more self-aware.  Feel the contact between your feet and the floor.  Then move your attention to the sensations in your lower spine (and bottom, if you are sat down).  Next, focus on your shoulders, now move on to your hands and fingers.  This brings your attention into the present moment, helping you feel relaxed and calm.

If anxiety about returning to work has become a massive hurdle for you and you feel that you need a bit of help, please email me for a chat.

Self-Care In Uncertain Times

We are all facing unprecedented times. For a large number of people the current situation with Covid-19 in the UK has led to a greater sense of community as we all pull together and look out for each other. However for many the isolation and social distancing measures we are all having to adapt to have triggered heightened stress, anxiety, fear and depression.

It is imperative during this time to become more aware of self-care. Lowering your stress and anxiety levels and maintaining your physical wellbeing should be number one on your self-care list.

• Exercise. If you are able to go out for your one hour of exercise a day then it is important that you do so. Whether it’s walking, jogging, cycling or something else, exercise will aid your physical wellbeing and help to lift your mood . If you are unable to leave your home due to self-isolation or other reasons, suitable stretching exercises, for seated or standing abilities, can be found on the internet. Try having a daily active dance around the lounge to your favourite tune. If you are fortunate enough to have a garden perhaps get into the habit of doing a few laps every day. Exercise will not only help lower the stress hormones but will also help you with sleep and improving your overall mental wellbeing.

• Communication. Staying in touch with friends and loved ones is just as important, whether that is by phone or internet. Video calls enabling us to see the person that we are talking to makes it even more personal. Being part of a friend/family network gives you a sense of belonging and self-worth which can help you in tough times. Studies have found that men and women with the fewest social connections are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.

• Listen to Soothing Music. Listening to music can have a very relaxing effect on the body. Slow-paced instrumental music can induce the relaxation response by helping lower blood pressure and heart rate as well as stress hormones. Some types of classical, Celtic, Native American and Indian music can be particularly soothing, but simply listening to the music you enjoy is effective too. Nature sounds can also be very calming. This is why they're often incorporated into relaxation and meditation music.

• Deep Breathing. Mental stress activates your sympathetic nervous system, signaling your body to go into "fight-or-flight" mode. During this reaction, stress hormones are released and you experience physical symptoms such as a faster heartbeat, quicker breathing and constricted blood vessels. Deep breathing exercises can help activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which controls the relaxation response. There are several types of deep breathing exercises, including diaphragmatic breathing, abdominal breathing, belly breathing and paced respiration. The goal of deep breathing is to focus your awareness on your breath, making it slower and deeper. When you breathe in deeply through your nose, your lungs fully expand and your belly rises. This helps slow your heart rate, allowing you to feel more peaceful. Certain breath work can also help your body increase its natural dopamine levels, improving your mood and sleep.

The bottom line. You don't have to tackle everything all at once. Identify one small step you can take to begin caring for yourself better. When you discover that you're neglecting a certain aspect of your life, create a plan for change. This plan will be unique to you and your needs. Self-care is vital for building resilience toward those stressful issues in life that you can't eliminate. Unfortunately, however, many people view self-care as a luxury, rather than a priority. Consequently, they're left feeling overwhelmed, tired, and ill-equipped to handle life's inevitable challenges. Don’t let this be you.

Managing Stress

With today’s busy lifestyles and the relentless demands on our time through work, social media, family and friends, it is no wonder more and more of us are succumbing to stress and stress related illnesses. We all know that remaining is a stressed state or even continuous low-level stress is not good for our mental or physical health.

Lately I am coming across so many people that are describing a level of stress that is making them feel like they are ‘burning out’. Overwhelmed with everything that they have to get done every day as well as making sure everyone in their immediate circle is happy. The brain goes a bit foggy, lacking clarity and focus, short term memory becoming sporadic. The day feels like you have not accomplished much even though you have worked hard to get everything done. The body is responding with gut spasm or pain, muscles are aching, head pounding and sleeping well is becoming a distant memory. Perhaps your blood pressure has become elevated or your appetite increased or decreased and you are constantly exhausted. Does this describe you?

There is much advice out there on how to manage your stress levels from meditation to medication. The most important thing that you can do for yourself is to sit quietly and tune into your body, how does it feel? Where? The human body has everything it needs to repair, re-balance and restore if we just take a little time to listen to what it is telling us.

• Boundaries. Perhaps it can be something like creating that space or time for yourself which means examining your boundaries, what or who are you allowing close to you that is causing stress and why? Are your boundaries too fluid allowing people to place too much demand on your time? Are you always giving to others and leaving yourself out in the cold?

• Learning to say ‘No’. We have all heard the buzz words “time to say ‘No’”. This is not always easy especially if we think this may upset somebody or cause friction. How about saying something like ‘I will need to check my diary and get back to you’ or just ‘I will need to get back to you on that’. Sometimes honesty is best and just say ‘Usually I would just dive in and say ‘yes’ but I am becoming more mindful of the stress this is placing on me. So on this occasion I need to say no’.

• Try having a family meeting and discussing your need for space, free time and spontaneity and together come up with a plan where certain members of the household can take on some of the everyday chores which would actually help everyone to have some free time at the end of the day, to be present with what really matters to them. Remember: you are not the general manager of the universe, stop trying to do everything! It does take a little practice but the results will be worth it.

• Try meditation walking. If you find sitting quietly meditating or chanting not your thing or you are a stressful fidget here is a great alternative. This is not just a casual stroll down the road. It is usually done much slower than normal walks, and involves either coordination with the breathing, or specific focusing practices. If your mind is agitated, or your ability to focus is weak, walk very slowly, until you can stay in the present moment with each step. Focus on your breathing and how your body is moving with each step that you take. The activity of walking in itself, brings several health and well-being benefits. It is great for anxiety relief, stress management, and for calming down any emotional agitation you may be experiencing.

• Find a creative outlet or exercise activity that you can enjoy on a regular basis. Such activities allow you to take your thoughts off of demanding situations. Sometimes the activity just gives a person time to refresh and gain mental focus and clarity. Being creative or doing something that is creative doesn’t have to be complex. As long as the outlet is outside of your general activities. Being stressed can take a dramatic effect on your mood and energy. If you participate in creative activities during those down times, you’re likely to increase your emotional stability. This comes from the reflection time that occurs while focusing on the activity.

• A day off tech. Try to have at least one day in the week where you limit your access to social media, emails, DMs from Instagram or PMs from Facebook and even texts. You will be surprised at how much free time you suddenly find on your hands to go off and do something relaxing or away from your usual environment. And those emails and messages can wait a day, THE WORLD WILL NOT STOP. Sooo liberating!

So those are just a few suggestions that you can begin implementing yourself. Maelo Therapies has also started a monthly group stress hypnotherapy session where you can just lie back and relax while your subconscious takes on healthier coping mechanisms. If the class is marked as full, I will add another date so just ping me an email to let me know you would like to come or require further information. Alternatively, if you feel your stress is something that requires one-to-one therapy, please contact me for a chat.

Breaking Bad Habits

Bad habits typically form to manage stress, overcome anxiety or promote relaxation.

Habits are hard to break. We all know this, whether it’s struggling with the latest diet, or unable to resist the pull of social media instead of interacting with those around us or working on a project or deadlines. Choosing to act differently under stress can be especially difficult in today’s world with cigarette additives, refined sugar, take-aways designed to make us crave and ingest to the detriment of our health. Each time we reach out for something to soothe ourselves, every time we take this action we reinforce the learning, to the point where it becomes automatic. This is how habits are formed.

Habitual smoking, excessive drinking, abuse of drugs and overeating are four of the primary ways that people attempt to self-medicate to feel better. Biting nails, picking at skin, hair pulling are other habits sometimes used as a means for regaining a sense of control or to get noticed in those who feel abused or neglected. Bad habits also form as a means of self-punishment in a child who feels guilty, ashamed, or worthless.

Not all bad habits involve using physical substances or doing bodily harm. Procrastination, obsessive compulsive behavior and chronic negative self-talk are examples of bad habits that do emotional harm, damaging self-esteem, while attempting to stave off fear, prevent failure, or dissolve guilt.

Breaking bad habits with EFT is a fast, safe and effective approach. Hypnotherapy is another excellent way to help your subconscious take on healthier coping mechanisms. Mel has had a lot of experience in assisting clients with cravings and other unhealthy habits.

Client A constantly craved nachos with all the trimmings. Mel had her bring the whole kit and caboodle into the clinic and got her to construct her plate of nachos exactly as she would at home. Using a special technique with EFT, Mel assisted this client to completely break that craving which was all connected to a certain ongoing negative emotion that the client had been subject to for many years Months later the client reported that she no longer suffers from this craving.

Client B could not resist chocolate and knew that this had got out of control. Mel got her to bring her favorite chocolates in to her appointment. Once again using EFT on the craving the client was surprised at what was holding this craving in place. As a child from a large family she was neglected when it came to having the necessary love and attention to thrive. She would look forward to receiving her monthly pocket money for her chores as she would buy chocolate, go off to her favourite place and sit peacefully enjoying the sweet treat which made her feel good. Her subconscious began to automatically connect feeling good with chocolate and every time she felt low, sad or alone she would go straight for the chocolate. In finding the root cause of the craving this client was able to move forward without the need for chocolate to help make her feel better and no longer subject to the cravings.

Do you have an unhealthy or bad habit that you know needs addressing? Why wait? Act now and contact Mel for a chat on how she can help you.

'Tis the season to be jolly... or stressed?

For some of us the approaching holiday season can mean a time of laughter, family and fun however, for many it is a time of stress. More money going out than coming in as expensive gifts are bought or perhaps just the amount of presents for big families and friendship circles. Then there is the family members that perhaps you rarely see due to incompatibility plus extended family all coming together under one roof. Maybe you are the one cooking the holiday meal which, for many can be an overwhelming prospect. For some, trying to meet the expectations of children, family and friends can be highly stressful. Deadlines at work and an endless ‘To do’ list. The list of stress inducing scenarios at this time of year goes on.

Stress is primarily a physical response triggered by our reptilian brain - the amygdala. When stressed, the body thinks it is under attack and switches to ‘fight or flight’ mode, releasing a complex mix of hormones and chemicals such as adrenaline, cortisol and nor-epinephrine to prepare the body for physical action. This causes a number of reactions, from blood being diverted to muscles to shutting down unnecessary bodily functions such as digestion. As you can imagine this can cause a multitude of problems: we can’t think straight or focus clearly, we become fatigued and emotional, our sleep becomes disturbed. Our body experiences aches and pains, our muscles tense and we can experience severe headaches. Remaining in this state for extended periods of time will have a detrimental effect on our overall physical, mental and emotional health. Stress is medically recognised as the most prominent factor causing ill health in modern society including stroke, heart conditions, high blood pressure, high glucose resulting in type 2 diabetes to name but a few.

Fantastic news!!

It doesn’t have to stay that way. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Hypnotherapy, Art Therapy, various relaxation techniques and meditation can relieve you of stress. These therapies offer you healthier coping mechanisms to deal with potentially stressful situations and are some of the therapies offered by Maelo Therapies. At the very least you can help yourself by perhaps joining some kind of exercise that you might enjoy - yoga, dance, pottery classes etc and if you are facing financial constraints try going for regular walks that you can enjoy without limit.

There are many ways to deal with the long list of potentially stressful situations you may be facing this holiday. To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.

• State expectations. Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone. If you're worried about the cost of Christmas you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don't need to be bought

• It’s OK to say ‘no’. As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too. If you want to turn something down, explain why you don’t want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative. For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the load.

• Practical preparation. If you’re hosting Christmas, it’s always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help. Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something.

• Delegate. Don’t be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table. And make sure everyone chips in a hand with the clearing and washing up!

• Handling incompatible guests. If you’re concerned things might kick off between family members or guests all stuck under one roof, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. Some might decide to stay in while the rest of you go off on a walk. Equally, you can always ask a difficult guest to help out somewhere like making drinks etc just to ease off any potential squabbles. If you are able, try to communicate beforehand with all of your guests how important is is for you that everyone experiences a calm, enjoyable day.

Remember - It’s your Christmas too

Christmas Day can fly by in a festive blur without you getting to partake because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else. Remember that it’s your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can take a break, sit down and talk with everyone or to simply take a load of those feet and relax a little.

The key is to look after yourself and in turn you will be able to remain calm and focused at this busy time of year and enjoy a stress free holiday whether you are with family, friends or away. And remember the gift of love, kindness and quality time for each other far out-ways an expensive present.

Wishing you a calm, relaxed holiday.

Mel x

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SADS)

On the 27th October the clocks go back, our afternoons and mornings becoming darker. According to the NHS, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression that has a seasonal pattern. The cause of this disorder is not fully understood although it is thought that it may be linked to reduced exposure to sunlight during the shorter days of the year.

A lack of light affects the levels of two very important chemicals that are produced by our brains; Melatonin and Serotonin.
Melatonin is produced when it gets dark and makes us sleepy – it is how our body knows it is night time and that we should go to sleep. When the nights get in, we produce more Melatonin which makes us feel drowsy and encourages us to sleep more. People who suffer with SADS produce much higher than normal levels of this hormone.
Sunlight affects the production of Serotonin so as the days get shorter, we start producing less Serotonin. Serotonin is actually believed by most to be a neurotransmitter not necessarily a chemical and is responsible for maintaining a healthy state of mind. Serotonin is what helps us feel motivated, enthusiastic, happy and in control of our life and has a big effect on our mood and behaviour. It also has an effect on our appetite, sleeping pattern, memory and learning ability. People with depression, including Seasonal Affective Disorder, produce much lower than average serotonin levels. hypnotherapy helps stimulate the production of serotonin.

There are a wide range of symptoms associated with depression including:

• Depressed mood, feeling sad or empty, tearful

• Diminished interest or pleasure in daily activities

• Significant weight changes, change in appetite and cravings

• Sleeping too much, sleep disturbances

• Hand wringing, twitching, pacing, tapping foot, hair twiddling etc.

• Fatigue, loss of energy

• Feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, guilt

• Diminished ability to think, lack of concentration, indecisiveness

• Loss of libido

How can Hypnotherapy help? By re-framing your views and perception of this time of the year and creating a more positive and relaxed state of being. It can break the cycle of seasonal depression by lifting your mood and helping you focus on the positive aspects of your life. Studies have shown that self-induced changes of mood effect a person’s serotonin levels. With previous clients I have always first used Emotional Freedom technique (EFT) to check if there is a root cause for these feelings of low mood and/or depression as well as any other presenting issues perceived by the client to be associated with SADS.

Numerous clients believe that their problem is SADS but their low mood or other problems turn out to be related to something completely different and not SADS at all. I am happy to report that in each situation said clients experienced resolution and completely changed their quality of life for the better.

October is 'Stoptober' month.

Each year, Public Health England (PHE) runs the Stoptober quit smoking challenge, a mass participation event where smokers are encouraged to make a quit attempt in October. The campaign is based on research showing that if you can stop smoking for 28 days, you are five times more likely to stay smoke-free for good. Currently, nearly 60% of smokers still try to quit using willpower alone despite this being the least effective way. PHE's latest independent e-cigarette evidence review highlighted the widespread public misunderstanding of the harmfulness of both e-cigarettes and nicotine replacement therapies

Hypnotherapy has long been recognised by the NHS as an effective means of facilitating long-term smoking cessation. Mel Maelo is registered with the National Hypnotherapy Society and is experienced in assisting clients in this area. Get in touch this September in readiness for Stoptober. There is a 5% discount for any clients that book and pay for smoking cessation before 25 September 2019.

Does hypnotherapy really work?

The answer is YES, if you are really serious about giving it up. Two 90 minute sessions with Mel will assuredly set you on the healthier path of a non-smoker. Not sure? Here are some comments from previous clients that Mel has worked with in this regard:

Case 1:

I had hypnotherapy with Mel Maelo just over a year ago to help me stop smoking, I had been a heavy smoker since 13 so that's a 30 year habit stubbed out just like that ! I felt some withdrawal symptoms (mainly difficulty sleeping for the first week) but at no point did I feel tempted to actually smoke , I later had more hypnotherapy to help me with my anxiety which was equally as effective! ( my anxiety is linked to my illness not cessation of smoking) I cannot recommend her highly enough! Incredible results from an incredible woman! Thank you Mel you have changed my life! C.G. Southwick.

Case 2:

I went to see Mel about helping to stop smoking. I must admit that at first I was a little sceptical and didn’t know what to expect. Mel made me feel at ease from the word go but wasn’t lying when she said that she doesn’t pull any punches when helping people stop smoking. She went for my weakest points but boy did it have the desired effect. After seeing Mel and following her advice in the days and weeks after our hypnotherapy session I have not smoked. On the contrary I have felt physically sick at the thought or smell. I can really recommend Mel to help stop smoking, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. G.W. Shoreham-by-Sea.

Why Wait for New Year to Make a Change?

The season is turning to autumn - an excellent time to reflect and refocus.

For many this time of year is a time of new beginnings and growth. The start of the new academic year, back to work after a well-earned summer break, perhaps starting a new job. Although many see the New Year as the time for making resolutions, statistically autumn is the best time of year to make achievable, life-altering changes. Reflecting on what you may have or have not accomplished in the year thus far can help you to refocus and determine how best to move your life forward..

Time to revitalise your goals and aspirations.

Make the choice to see autumn as the ideal time to assess where you are right now - is it where you had hoped? If not, what can you do to change that? If it is, then what is the next growth phase in your life that will challenge you? What has and has not worked for you? It is a basic human need to have purpose and goals, to be stimulated and express ourselves creatively in some way by setting ourselves new challenges, learning and expanding our horizons. A life where these needs are not met can lack self-worth, cause us to enter into depressive cycles or low-mood or feel we have little value. We can find ourselves bored, stuck in bad habits and lacking the motivation to achieve goals.

Tips:

• Don’t rush headlong into making rash decisions or set unachievable aims and goals. First put a little time aside to reflect and be grateful for the things you have learned over the past year, then consider what it is that you would most like to achieve going forward.

• Determine what is most important for you to attain over the coming three months, be that personally, professionally or perhaps both. Break that goal down into small achievable chunks which you can tick off as you make progress.

• List your top five priorities/aims for the year ahead and then focus on the one that could potentially fulfill your intention, get you ‘unstuck’ or motivated - giving you that sense of accomplishment and achievement.

• Sometimes it helps to create a road map or vision board to help guide you through accomplishing what is important to you - a visual aid or prompt. This can be a great, productive way to end the year and create the momentum you need to start 2020.

Refocusing in this way will set you well on the path to improving your sense of self-worth and value. Embrace the change to autumn and open yourself up to new opportunities and possibilities.

Dealing With Anxiety

Anxiety is a word I hear on a daily basis, a word that for far too many stirs up stress and fear. It can be a daily battle trying to live with anxiety in its many forms, ranging from general anxiety disorder (GAD) to social anxiety to outright panic. What’s more it can leave you feeling isolated and alone. Nine times out of ten the clients I help tell me that they feel their family and friends cannot understand the problems they are going through, especially in the long run.

The good news is that this turmoil you or a loved one are experiencing is absolutely treatable, even without the need for medication. Seeking the assistance of a therapist experienced in dealing with the various forms of anxiety and with whom you can feel comfortable and safe could be the first steps to a better quality of life. Over the past 4+ years I have been able to combine a range of highly effective therapies to help clients through their own personal battles with anxiety and stress in its many forms.

Not everyone can afford the services of a therapist of course, but that doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from some simple techniques proven to help combat anxiety. Here I’ve put together a list of ideas you can put into practice right now to help tackle problems on a day-to-day basis.

• Breathing. When anxiety starts up our breathing becomes more rapid and shallow, our heart rate increases and we can also experience dizziness, nausea and sweats. To help combat this we need to control our breathing. A breathing technique clinically proven to lower your heart rate and slow your breath is called heart math or 7 breathing. Inhale for a count of 7, hold the breath for a count of 7, exhale for a count of 7, hold the breath for a count of 7 and repeat another 2 rounds then take a few normal breaths. Repeat the round of 3 another 2 times. Do not attempt this while driving or operating heavy machinery.

• Re-orientation. If you are out and anxiety begins to overwhelm you, ground yourself, re-orientate yourself in place and time by asking yourself some or all of these questions:

  • Where am I?

  • What is today?

  • What is the date?

  • What is the month?

  • What is the year?

  • How old am I?

  • What season is it?

• 54321. Another good one for when you are out and about, at school, college, work or home.

  • Name 5 things you can see in the room with you.

  • Name 4 things you can feel (“chair on my back” or “feet on floor”).

  • Name 3 things you can hear right now (“fingers tapping on keyboard” or “TV”).

  • Name 2 things you can smell right now (or 2 things you like the smell of).

  • Name 1 good thing about yourself.

• Rapid Relaxation. Not the easiest thing to do when anxious but if you can slow your breathing down you will find it easier with practice. Choose a word or colour that for you resonates ‘calm’ even if it is just the word ‘relax’. Take a slow deep breath in and on your exhale focus only on that word. Continue doing this, keeping the breath slow and calm at the same time allowing your shoulders to soften and slacken. Eventually, after practice when you just focus on that special word your mind will help you with the rest, slowing your breathing and relaxing your body automatically. Do not attempt this while driving or operating heavy machinery.

Be patient with yourself as you learn to relax body and mind. It takes practice. While our bodies generally welcome relaxation our minds can be difficult to ‘switch off/slow down’. If we fight our thoughts we create even more tension, therefore we need to learn to encourage the mind to let go and relax.

To find a relaxation class near you have a look at your local library, health shop or school. Maelo Therapies also runs weekly relaxation classes aimed at reducing stress and helping with anxiety. For more information follow the link: https://www.maelotherapies.com/classes There is also a free MP3 download for progressive muscle relaxation on the same link.

Wishing you all the best in your journey. Remember, there is effective help available no matter what your problem is.

Mel

Non-Epileptic Seisures

Over the past year I have had a number of clients suffering from non-epileptic seizures (NES) coming to see me for help and more enquiries from people seeking help in this regard keep popping up.
Non-epileptic seizures (NES) or dissociative seizures are different from epilepsy as they have a different cause. If you, or someone you know, has been diagnosed with non-epileptic seizures it may be helpful for you to identify the type of seizures that are relevant to you and how you feel about them. Non-epileptic seizures (NES) are not caused by disrupted electrical activity in the brain and so are different from epilepsy. They can have a number of different causes. 
Types of NES:
Non-epileptic seizures (NES) can be divided into two types: organic non-epileptic seizures and psychogenic seizures.

Organic NES
These seizures have a physical cause (relating to the body). They include fainting (syncope) and metabolic (biochemical processes in the body) causes such as diabetes.
Because organic NES have a physical cause, they may be relatively easy to diagnose and the underlying cause can be found. For example, a faint may be diagnosed as being caused by a physical problem in the heart. In these cases, if the underlying cause can be treated the seizures will stop.

Psychogenic NES
Some NES are called ‘psychogenic seizures’. 'Psychogenic' means they are caused by mental or emotional processes, rather than by a physical cause. Psychogenic seizures may happen when someone's reaction to painful or difficult thoughts and feelings affects them physically.
Psychogenic seizures include different types:
Dissociative seizures happen unconsciously, which means that the person has no control over them and they are not ‘put on’. This is the most common type of NES. 
Panic attacks can happen in frightening situations, when remembering previous frightening experiences or in a situation that the person expects to be frightening. Panic attacks can cause sweating, palpitations (being able to feel your heart beat), trembling and difficulty breathing. The person may also lose consciousness and may shake (convulse).

Factitious seizures means that the person has some level of conscious control over them. An example of this is when seizures form part of Münchausen’s Syndrome, a rare psychiatric condition where a person is driven by a need to have medical investigations and treatments. 
Other names for non-epileptic seizures
Non-epileptic seizures are sometimes known as non-epileptic attacks. People who have non-epileptic seizures may be described as having 'non-epileptic attack disorder' (NEAD).
These terms are not always helpful because they describe the condition by saying what it is not rather than by saying what it is. NES used to be called 'pseudoseizures’ but this name is unhelpful because it sounds like the person is not having 'real' seizures or their seizures are deliberately 'put on'.
A newer name for non-epileptic seizures is 'dissociative seizures'. This is helpful because it does not describe seizures in terms of epilepsy. It is also recognised by the World Health Organization (this means that it is included in the International Classification of Diseases: a list of all known diseases and conditions).

So what can I do to help you? NES is considered a psychological issue and not neurological. Psychotherapy is the recommended treatment for NES. Psychotherapy is the name for a group of different ‘talking’ therapies (treatments). The blend of various therapies that I am trained in can help to facilitate you getting to grips with NES, improving your quality of life and in many instances, freeing you from them completely. It is advised that you first seek the advice of your GP to rule out epilepsy (which you may have alongside NES and that is fine) and/or any other underlying cause for what you are experiencing.The good news is - there is hope!

NES - Courtesy of Spectrum health Beat

Loving Relationships

Loving others for the wonderful qualities they possess rather than how they make you feel can ensure that your emotions are enduring ones. It's easy to feel affection for those who have cared for you, praised you, or given you gifts. Love that lasts, however, will always be the result of your appreciation for your loved ones' real qualities. When you love others for who they truly are, your feelings for them do not waver when they show their faults or when they act less than lovingly toward you. Their imperfections are a part of who they are, and you are able to love them through good times and bad. Choose to love others today for who they are, and you will strengthen your bonds and create authentic relationships.

Lotus Mahal Hampi

Raise your Vibration

Raise your Vibration!
Everything in the universe is made of energy. What differentiates one form of energy from another is the speed at which it vibrates. For example, light vibrates at a very high frequency, and something like a rock vibrates at a lower frequency but a frequency nonetheless. Human beings also vibrate at different frequencies. Our thoughts and feelings can determine the frequency at which we vibrate, and our vibration goes out into the world and attracts to us energy moving at a similar frequency. This is one of the ways that we create our own reality, which is why we can cause a positive shift in our lives by raising our vibration. 

We all know someone we think of as vibrant. Vibrant literally means "vibrating very rapidly." The people who strike us as vibrant are vibrating at a high frequency, and they can inspire us as we work to raise our vibration. On the other hand, we all know people that are very negative or cynical. These people are vibrating at a lower frequency. They can also be an inspiration because they can show us where we don't want to be vibrating and why. To discover where you are in terms of vibrancy, consider where you fall on a scale between the most pessimistic person you know and the most vibrant. This is not in order to pass judgment, but rather it is important to know where you are as you begin working to raise your frequency so that you can notice and appreciate your progress.

There are many ways to raise your vibration, from working with affirmations to visualizing enlightened entities during meditation. One of the most practical ways to raise your vibration is to consciously choose where you focus your attention. To understand how powerful this is, take five minutes to describe something you love unreservedly--a person, a movie, an experience. When your five minutes are up, you will noticeably feel more positive and even lighter.

If you want to keep raising your vibration, you might want to commit to spending five minutes every day focusing on the good in your life. As you do this, you will train yourself to be more awake and alive. Over time, you will experience a permanent shift in your vibrancy.



Self Care

Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else, in order to say yes to yourself.

A great metaphor for self care and often used in psychology is taken from flight attendants. The airline attendant reminding us to put on our own oxygen mask before we help anyone else with theirs.This accurately expresses why it is important - if you can't take care of yourself for yourself, do it for others. Few situations in our daily lives mimic the wake-up call of an airplane emergency, so it's easy to keep putting self-care off, until we get sick, overwhelmed, or exhausted, and suddenly don't have the energy to care for the people who count on us. That's when we realise we haven't been getting the oxygen we need to sustain ourselves. We begin to understand that taking care of ourselves is neither selfish nor indulgent it is vital and practical. 

Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else in order to say yes to yourself. For many of us, there is always something we feel we could be doing for someone else, and it helps to remember the oxygen metaphor. You can encourage yourself by saying "I am caring for myself so that I am better able to care for others" .

It also helps to remember that self-care doesn't have to be massively time-consuming. Self care means taking steps every day to support your health and wellness and have an understanding of your physical state and any ‘dis-ease’ that may be starting up. Being aware of when you are in balance and when you are out of balance. Ensure that you are getting enough sleep, exercise whether that means gentle stretching or running and being in a gym. Meditate and learn to relax. Engage in a good, healthy diet and eat mindfully.

Whatever you decide, making some small gesture where you put yourself first every day will pay off in spades for you and the ones you love.

Nameste!